#1-Wanting to take on more than you can.
People don’t understand what self-sabotage is.
They think it is a self-destructive mechanism.
The reality is that we self-sabotage to stay in our comfort zone so that nothing changes and we feel safe.
It is a mental process that aims to keep us safe, away from uncertainty.
The problem with this is that if you allow your self-sabotage to limit you, you are screwing up your life.
That’s why I want to share with you the most common but less obvious ways in which self-sabotage operated in my life so that you can take the initiative and make things better by being aware of it.
Let’s start.
1. Wanting to take on more than you can
The ego wants it all. But the ego doesn’t care if you become Elon Musk or end up living on the street. So all it wants is to perpetuate itself as it is.
The ego knows that if you evolve, you upgrade as a human being, and if that happens, it dies — at least as it is — and transforms into a different ego.
That’s why your ego wants more than you can handle when you are doing well to throw you off your path, to disperse you, to stop you from advancing.
And it is a trap because when you stop dedicating yourself to your own thing, to that which after a long time starts to work, you lose momentum, and in the end, you fail.
That’s why the ego wants everything to keep you around in circles so you don’t change.
Lesson: dedicate yourself to one thing, not hundreds, and you will go much further.
2. Wanting more of the same
Your ego doesn’t care if you get sick or even die.
The ego is not as intelligent as it thinks, and ignorance makes it very dangerous.
This I am about to tell you is very subtle, and when I realized it, it blew my mind.
One way to self-sabotage is to repeat your habits over and over again.
Because this way, your ego stays the way it is, and you remain in your comfort zone.
And the ego doesn’t go beyond that thought to self-perpetuate.
That’s why you eat junk food even though you may get sick.
That’s why you smoke and drink.
That’s why you play video games every day.
That and the addiction it generates.
What is clear is that your ego knows that if you get out of your comfort zone, join the gym, and start eating green, the person you see in front of the mirror daily will change personality and charisma very quickly.
That’s why you self-sabotage yourself, so you don’t change. To not be that improved version of yourself. Because that would mean that your current ego would die.
Lesson: watch the harmful habits and behaviors you repeat the most in your daily life and reduce them.
3. Territorial disputes
Your ego doesn’t care if you end up old and alone as long as you are right.
One of the most subtle forms of self-sabotage is to want to be right even if you are wrong.
We want to be relevant to our tribe, valued, and considered. Why?
Because we don’t want to be isolated, in caveman times, that meant death.
The problem is that this sharp survival instinct gets us into more trouble than it gets us out of today.
When you start talking to show that you know more than others, what you get is to generate rejection instead of acceptance.
And besides, there comes the point when your ego finds it hard to stop talking to listen to others, not only because you want to be correct but also because, at a certain point, the ego loves to listen to itself.
Don’t fall into the trap.
Lesson: don’t be a d*ck, listen to others, and above all, even if you’re right, treat your loved ones well. It’s much better to be nice to the people around you than to be right and be left alone.
4. Dreaming and bragging
When I started my career as a professional writer, I once went to a poetry reading in the most bohemian area of Madrid. And I remember perfectly the number of wannabes that gathered there.
They were the archetype of the pedantic writer: turtleneck sweaters, jackets with checkered elbow patches, black horn-rimmed glasses, martini in the right hand, left elbow resting on the bar, and an attractive person in front of them with whom they tried to flirt.
They were a caricature of a professional writer. But then you asked them, and they hadn’t published a book for almost a decade.
That’s when I realized the danger of living on old successes and fantasizing about glory.
Dreaming doesn’t pay the bills. Old successes don’t pay the bills. Inaction does not pay the bills.
Therefore, dreaming and not acting is a way of self-sabotaging yourself.
And wanting to be recognized for old successes limits you and doesn’t allow you to have a beginner’s mind.
Many writers don’t write blogs because, for them, it’s a step down in their profession. And that limits their progression in today’s world.
I fell into the same trap, I wanted to be respected by the literary world, and I almost ended my professional career because I wanted to fit in.
I also discovered that the reader is essential to being a writer. And that those of us who write provide a service. And there is nothing unworthy in doing it online through social networks, videos, or blogs. So it’s all about communicating.
Humility frees you from this kind of self-sabotage.
Lesson: whatever you do, always keep an open mind, and don’t think you are a master; live as a student, and you will go much further.
A virtual hug
AG