Rethinking your life is sometimes a matter of reading the right quote.
There is a small second-hand bookshop that I usually pass by, and I love to look in the window and let myself be seduced by the titles of the books on display.
And whenever a book catches my eye, I go in and buy it.
And it’s strange because you think you choose the book, but I’m sure it’s the book that chooses you.
And the other day, I was lucky enough to be chosen by Laughable Loves, a book by Czech author Milan Kundera.
I found a paragraph among its pages and stories that made me rethink my past. And I found it super disturbing, and I want to share that sentence and what I thought about it with you, dear reader.
Let’s start
The disturbing sentence.
“The human being goes through the present blindfolded. He can only intuit and guess what he is living. And then, when the blindfold is removed, he can look into the past and see what he has lived through and what its meaning was.” — Milan Kundera.
As Steve Jobs said, “The dots in your life only connect when you look back.” That’s not what’s disturbing. But, as Milan Kundera describes, what is alarming is the blindness we ALL have in the here and now.
And that is that what you thought was right 20 years ago is probably wrong now—even a crime. So take the case of smoking.
When I went to university, believe it or not, we were allowed to smoke during exams that lasted more than 3 hours. If you try to smoke inside of a university class these days, you will probably go to jail those days.
But this not only applies to social changes. It works for individuals because, as Kundera also says, “The individual life of human beings imitates the history of human beings.”
Let’s take a little trip back in time.
I don’t know about you, but in my 20s (in the 2000s), I thought life was about having a lot of money, buying a house, having kids, getting married, and living the American dream.
And the end justified the means.
Now at 42 years old, I realize that 1) the end did not justify the means and 2) that the dreams that TV commercials sell you are not what your heart secretly yearns for.
I also realize that 20 years ago, I believed that the world owed me a lot of things, and therefore I behaved like a spoiled child. And now I know that the world didn’t owe me and didn’t owe me anything.
Besides, when I was 20 years old, I went around the world assigning blame to others as if I were a supreme court judge,
- My parent’s divorce was to blame for my financial situation.
- The bullying I suffered in my childhood was to blame for the fact that I was distrustful.
- The little affection I received from my absent father and a mother who didn’t have time because she had to work to feed my brother and I was the perfect justification for my infidelities. So I justified myself by thinking I sought the love the universe had owed me since childhood.
- People who had underestimated me had to appreciate my talent; if they didn’t, I blamed them for being arrogant.
And now, at 42, I look back and feel ashamed.
Back to the present
The point is that today I believe I have improved as an individual,
- I no longer blame my parents.
- I no longer judge my friends by what other people did to me in the past.
- I am no longer unfaithful. And if I am at some point, I won’t justify myself by playing the victim.
- And it doesn’t bother me anymore that people don’t admire me; I understand that some support you and those who don’t give a sh*t about you, and I’m okay with that.
But I still know that in 20 years (if I have evolved enough), I will feel ashamed again when I remember aspects of my personality and life that are still fell legitimate today.
And it doesn’t end there.
Most disturbing of all
From Kundera’s phrase, one realizes that the present is where the action occurs, but a reaction can only be observed from the future by looking into the past. And that is very scary because,
What you think is a success (AT THIS MOMENT) can be THE BIGGEST MISTAKE of your life if you review its consequences as the years go by.
- Maybe that partner you have met in the present and who makes you so happy ends up divorcing you and ruining your life.
- Maybe the same fantastic job offer becomes a tedious job that gradually sucks your soul until it takes away your will to live.
- Maybe that friend of yours whom you trust today ends up provoking the divorce because your partner cheats on you with him 🙂
In other words, although mathematics makes us make decisions based on the favorable probabilities of success, no one can guarantee that anything (whatever it is) will turn out well.
And even more, no one can guarantee that what we see today as a positive outcome (for example, getting the job of our dreams) will not eventually turn into something negative, a nightmare from which we want to wake up.
Conclusion
Ultimately, I reflect and realize there are no right or wrong choices, only decisions. And the outcome of those choices can only be analyzed from a distant future.
Which, although disturbing, gives intensity to life. Because who knows, maybe that job you hate will become the job of your life, or that person you dislike today will become the father or mother of your children.
Reality is a crazy thing. So you must let go and start living without fear because there is no such thing as a sure thing or a comfort zone.
The only sure thing is impermanence. And that means that either we change by flowing with the present moment, or we will end up suffering more than necessary. So as Bruce Lee would say, “Be water, my friend.”
A virtual hug
AG