These are real lessons for real life.
I had a nightmare tonight.
I was a cashier at a supermarket, and my job was to teach customers how to use an electronic machine that would eventually replace me.
The machine (instead of cashing out) was giving people advice.
Then I time-traveled in the dream to 2027 and watched as all the advice writers were replaced by advice machines that supplanted their identity and did their job more efficiently and without a break 24/7.
The advice writers were okay with it because they were taking royalties for every advice the advice machines gave on their behalf.
Again, I time-traveled to 2045 and saw a single-minded Orwellian society.
I asked a zombie-faced person how it happened, and he said everyone wants the best: the best doctor, the best scientist, the best teacher, the best advice writer.
And that’s why an advice machine pretending to be Marcus Aurelius had become unique in giving advice.
This ended with the freedom of expression of the people, without the need for violence, because everyone began to apply the advice of this machine, and in the end, everyone ended up thinking alike and wearing the toga of Marcus Aurelius and his Roman espadrilles 🙂
Then, in the dream, I read in a digital newspaper that a company dedicated to manufacturing togas and Roman espadrilles was the biggest shareholder of the advice machine.
Then I woke up in a cold sweat.
So, I’ve decided to synthesize and share the ten most important lessons I’ve learned from responding to hundreds of thousands of comments over the last eight years as an advice writer trying to help others.
Note: approximately 120 messages per day between Emails and social media. 120 x 365 days x 8 years = 350. 400 messages approximately.
I hope this helps someone in the same business as me, thus delaying my nightmare from becoming a reality.
Let’s start
- You have to protect yourself like firefighters trying to put out a fire. Or you’ll get burned and unable to do your job. So don’t get too involved, or you will end up badly.
- The people you help with your advice, thanks to reading you, learn things about your private life. And they can use that information against you to cover up their lies or get close to you personally.
- The people you help with your advice in a more direct way have an added problem: “their environment.” You can find people under the influence of pyramid schemes, ambitious gurus, sects, etc. And if they talk about you in their toxic environments, they may try to do everything to you, from devaluing your image to trying to scam you or extort you if they know you have money.
- Real broken people, in 80% of the cases, lie. And as you know, only when the results of your advice are measurable can you make progress. So if they lie to you, a) you won’t know exactly where their problem is. b) you won’t be able to measure their progress. So the first thing to do is to gain the trust of the person you are trying to help so that they confess what they are ashamed of or lie to you as little as possible.
- People confuse consequences with their problems. It is as if you think your problem is that you sneeze instead of the flu. And so they look for cosmetic solutions (cough syrup) and don’t go to the root of the problem (the flu). And so they can spend decades trying to fix their life without succeeding. — Focus based on the flu, and the symptoms will disappear over time.
- There is no self-help without spirituality. Because spirituality gives you moral values, and without these, no progress is sustained over time. — Those who improve their situation seek balance by realizing that their affections are disordered, working on their principles and values.
- You can believe in a person even if they don’t believe in themselves, but you need that person to collaborate with you to help them. Otherwise, it doesn’t work. You can’t pay the price for others. The people have to do the work involved in following your advice. You can’t diet for them, you can’t study for them, you can’t train for them, you can’t clean their house for them. And if they don’t do it, they won’t achieve results.
- Progress without the right mindset is a setback. It would be best if you didn’t drive a Formula One without first being a good, experienced race car driver. That’s why they will crash if you help people to win a lot of money (go a Formula 1) before being a good person (sound driver). It’s like giving a gun to a child; he will end up hurting himself or others. (It’s much better to teach people to save than to teach them to make more money).
- People, at first, only see the superficial benefits, for example, losing weight. And they don’t value the profound benefits: dieting and exercise keep you healthy and improve your quality of life. This is dangerous because those who focus only on superficial benefits a) stop doing something that did them a lot of good (exercising so they don’t have the problems that come with a sedentary lifestyle) or b) get into trouble trying to seek those superficial benefits (doing miracle diets with yo-yo effect, or training too much and end up getting anxious).
- Good self-help is about cleansing people’s minds and hearts so that they naturally desire what is good for them and reject what is bad for them. Bad self-help helps you obtain resources to self-destruct, whether having a fit body, a Lambo, or making a million dollars.
This is the most important thing I have learned after counseling thousands of people. I know it’s not much, but it’s real.
A virtual hug
AG