Learn this before it’s too late.
The famous author Paul Auster wrote a book after his father’s sudden death, The Invention of Solitude.
In the book, he says, “One day there is life. Everything is as it is. Then you spend daily minding your business and dreaming of the life ahead. And then, all of a sudden, death appears.” And it’s all over at once.
And this, which everybody knows, conditions our life in a very subtle way. Because most people want to be remembered.
And this affects, at a subconscious level, the way we behave. That’s why we care what others think of us, take criticism badly, and want to be accepted by our tribe: we are afraid of our mortality, of being forgotten.
And what does this have to do with happiness?
Everything.
Because we do many stupid things trying to fit in, to be accepted, to leave a legacy to be remembered, and not end up in oblivion.
If we put aside what people will say, the social pressure, and the smog advertising causes, we can discover what makes us genuinely happy, even though people point us out as weirdos in the street.
And for that, I want you to understand the difference between Hedonic and Eudemonic happiness.
Hedonic Happiness
It is the one that tries to generate well-being by maximizing pleasure and reducing pain.
The one that all the advertisements promise you: having money, gratifying sexual relations, vacations in the Caribbean, drinking to have fun, eating whatever you want, enjoy life.
But this kind of happiness that makes us fit in socially and therefore be accepted by the group has a dark side because living submerged in pools of dopamine produced by short-term rewards generates tolerance.
And that tolerance makes you need more and more. And that leads to self-destruction.
And it also makes you weak because you don’t want to experience: resistance, frustration, pain, etc. And that hinders you from facing the real world full of sorrows.
Still, this kind of happiness is what the average citizen pursues, the one who eats carbs and ice cream while watching Netflix. You know what I mean.
But if you want to be truly happy, I recommend Eudomonic Happiness.
Eudomonic Happiness
Eudomonic comes from the Greek “EU,” meaning good, and “daimon,” meaning spirit. And it refers to a state of inner fulfillment. That state is the happiness I propose to you.
How to achieve it?
Through personal self-discovery. You must complete your own Maslow’s pyramid to realize yourself as an individual entirely.
And that presupposes your individuality.
There are no generic recipes for happiness; there are parameters that foster a receptive state to build a fulfilled life—having money saved instead of debt, not marrying someone you hate, eating healthy, sleeping 8 hours, etc.
But that only lays the foundation; you still need to build your happiness building.
And for that, you need to focus on your life purpose, which gives meaning to your existence. And strive to fulfill that purpose even if it means facing pain, adversity, or social rejection.
Personal example
I could have done what society asked me to do to fit in: get married, have children, and work as a salesman. But if I had, I would not be thrilled. I would be living someone else’s life to fit in.
In my case, I preferred to write. And I’m a complete outsider: I’m 42 years old, I live with my mother, I write poetry and essays, I’m single, I don’t have my car.
And this, for many people, is characteristic of a loser.
However, I feel fulfilled.
And even though I am a social renegade to most people around me, and I get the finger pointed at me by family and friends, I am tremendously happy.
Takeaway
It’s not easy to dare to be yourself. But it is the only way to be truly happy.
- If your dream is to be an entrepreneur, be an entrepreneur.
- If your dream is to be an actor, go to casting calls.
- If your dream is to write the great American novel, get in line 😉
The point is that you dare to face adversity in pursuit of self-fulfillment.
Yes, I know it’s less attractive than Hedonic happiness, but this kind of happiness I propose to you — the eudemonic — is much more lasting.
A virtual hug
AG
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