#3. You have started to deny people the chance to get to know you.
I’ve hurt myself so badly for so long that if screwing up was basketball, I’d be Michael freakin’ Jordan.
Fortunately, I’ve changed, but that doesn’t mean my self-destructive impulses have disappeared.
Those impulses are like an uncomfortable roommate that lives in my head, and every time I get off track, it takes over and tries to sabotage me.
Fortunately, I’ve learned over the years to notice little signs that announce that I’m approaching the precipice just before I fall into the void and hit myself against the floor.
Take advantage of it, and if you recognize yourself in any of these signs, watch out.
Let’s start
1. You’re bored with the life you have
I am not referring to that sought-after boredom that favors creativity but to the monotony of living. To that lack of vitality in the mornings, to that feeling that every day is the same, to think that life sucks and being so numb that you do nothing about it.
Being bored like that is a sign to pay attention to because eventually, something inside you (your subconscious) will want to survive, and it won’t do it politically correctly, but in the worst and most outrageous way possible.
I have a friend, who was going through a season of life boredom as described, and when she realized she was cheating on her husband with a client in her office 16 years older than her.
Things got out of control; her husband found out, her parents found out, her in-laws found out, and the whole town where she lives.
She separated from her husband, put the house she shared with him for sale, and went to live with her lover Surprise! They broke up fifteen days after living with him, and now she is at her mother’s house at 36.
Moral: there are less radical ways to change your life when reality suffocates you.
If you feel this way, my advice is to have uncomfortable conversations with your loved ones before your apathy awakens an emotional tsunami that will do shit to you and your loved ones.
2. You have an irrational fear of being alone.
Being afraid of being alone makes you vulnerable to all kinds of emotional blackmail.
And as a person who has been bullied in childhood, youth, and adulthood, I will tell you that predators can smell your fear.
And it doesn’t matter if you think your loved ones love you well and won’t cross the line: they will. — I have a family member who has been putting up with all kinds of abuse from his partner for over a decade, and he doesn’t dare protest because he doesn’t want to be left alone.
Because as the bible says, “For to him that hath shall be given more, and he shall have more abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath,” and this is especially true about self-esteem.
Something dark, ugly, dirty, and anthropological makes the animal instinct in human beings to take advantage of the weak and want to exploit them until they become a burden and then abandon them to their fate.
In addition, what you give attention to manifests in your life, so if your greatest fear is to be alone, guess what? You’re going to be alone.
But that has to take away your fear.
Ask yourself from time to time, “Am I afraid that my partner will leave me?”, “Am I afraid of being left without friends?” “Am I afraid of being excluded from the work environment?” And if your answer is “Yes, I am afraid,” ask yourself if someone is using it against you.
And put up barriers because if you let yourself be abused once, little by little, you will get into a cesspool of shit and consent to too many things that will kill your self-esteem and therefore f*ck up your life.
3. You have started to deny people the chance to get to know you.
On the opposite side of the spectrum is voluntarily staying alone because you’re tired of betrayals, lies, and people who only come into your life out of interest.
And I get it; a lot of people suck.
But if you lose what I call a social safety net, you’ll end up screwed.
Look, no one can be an island forever, and life is a lot easier if you cultivate real friendships.
- Friends can get you a job if you become unemployed.
- Friends can give you a hug when nothing soothes the pain.
- Friends can give you a reason to live.
- Friends can give meaning and quality to your life.
An old Indian chief once said, “Wolves are loners, but they hunt in packs.”
You must have your pack, belong to a place, generate rootedness, and build a healthy life.
It’s okay to be nomadic, if you don’t like to stay more than six months in the same place. But what you can’t do is become a hermit who goes from one place to another without wanting to connect with anyone.
You need to be receptive to making friends, especially if you have an itinerant lifestyle because you never know when you are going to need a little salt or someone to sweeten your life 🙂
I hope this article has helped you.
A virtual hug
AG
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