Learn from my mistakes.
If I could travel back in time and talk to the person I was in my 20s.
I would tell him five things.
1. About Enemies
You think you’re tough, a rebel, but you’re a jerk.
You have no friends, only people who approach you out of interest.
At forty, you will know, without a doubt, who the enemy was.
And no. It wasn’t your mother. Nor your father, who abandoned you. Nor society. Nor the lack of money.
The enemy was you.
Your f*cking pride.
You climbed on the cross, drove the nails, and put on the crown of thorns.
2. About loyalty and family
The next time you criticize your mother, remember that your mother raised you and your brother by herself, working in three places so that you wouldn’t lack a plate of food daily.
She never asked you to thank her. And you’ll throw every little favor in her face.
Today, he is in the next room raging in pain as I write this: his hands are deformed from working so hard, and his body is full of arthrosis. She went to war for you and your brother and did not come out unscathed.
She uses two crutches to walk, and she is not yet 65.
Your mother is more loyal than all the gangsters you look up to.
She will still be by your side when they all betray you (and they will betray you). So treat her right.
Listen to her!
3. On redemption
You will go to a church in a lost village in Galicia and read a sentence that says, “Sin takes away your shame when you commit it and puts it on you when you confess it.”
But even if you don’t confess them, your sins will torment you beyond time.
There will come a point when you can only get rid of them in two ways: 1) by committing worse sins to forget the previous ones, and 2) by coming face to face with your demons.
Fortunately, you chose the second option. Fortunately, you survived.
But you almost didn’t make it. Don’t forget it every time you say, “Relax, I’m in control,” because the truth is you’re a manic depressive and you’re not in control of shit.
Remember that motto you have with your so-called friends when you go out partying? “Smoke together, die alone.” Well, it’s almost true. So stop taking shit.
(He who gets burned is for playing with fire).
4. On gratitude
I know you live full of fear and an inferiority complex.
You are a wounded wolf who wants to make others think he is invincible. But deep down, you are a broken toy, a puppy with your tail between your legs.
That’s why you drink, that’s why you take drugs, that’s why you go with anyone.
That’s why you have a time bomb beating in your chest and your heart in your hand, to give it away to the first one who passes by.
You’re desperately looking for the love you think you don’t deserve.
It’s not easy to be you, and I want to thank you for going ahead despite all your screw-ups.
Thanks to you, today I am who I am. Thanks to you, today, I can write and help others who, like you, don’t see themselves reflected in the Netflix series.
Thanks to you, I have a purpose in life.
Thanks to you, I have the love that no one else gave me today.
5. About having patience
You will wake up in the hospital more times than you want to remember or acknowledge.
You won’t be seeing a therapist because you grew up in the 90s, and your absentee father mistakenly taught you that kids don’t cry, much less tell anyone their shit.
That’s wrong, but it is what it is.
You will heal yourself, although dealing with your demons will take almost ten years of solitude.
So be patient because it will get better, but it will take time.
And in the process, you will end up lonelier than the moon.
But you must escape all those false stars that only lead you to perdition.
Do it; you will heal your wounds, and in the end, you will be proud of all your scars.
6. About moving on
In school, you were bullied. In high school, you were bullied. In university, you were bullied. In many jobs, you were bullied. And everyone got away with it except you, who was physically, emotionally and psychologically damaged.
Your life is and will continue to be marked by abuse and violence.
You are 5.4 ft. tall, overweight, have OCD, glasses.
It’s like you walk around with a sign that says, “Abuse me.”
“Your only crime is being born,” They’ll yell at you as they beat you up in an alley after stealing your wallet. But even that time, you will get up again.
Because after every punch, you always get back up.
You were born without fear of losing, and that’s your superpower. Read it again.
That will bring you to where I am today.
Here, things are not easier, but you did your part; you gave me the baton with your will intact.
So go on without fear of losing.
Despite everything I have told you, I am very proud of you: you faced a thousand storms and did not sink the ship.
P.S. I promise to visit you more often.
Thank you for everything.
A virtual hug
AG
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