#1. The lie always appears at the beginning.
The other day, a reader (and good friend) we’ll call J wrote me something like this.
“Hi AG, I’ve been having trouble trusting my romantic relationships lately. The last partner I had told me she was a nurse and single, but she turned out to be a stripper and was married. She was also a gambling addict, and they ended up handcuffing her in front of me because she had several outstanding felonies. Do I know how to pick them or what?”
I responded to him with a personal story. I promised to write an article extending myself to give her some advice on how to know who to trust and who not to trust without becoming paranoid.
This is my method, dear J, for knowing whether or not someone is lying to me based on one of the most toxic relationships I’ve ever had.
1. The lie always appears at the beginning, disguised as an absurd truth.
At the beginning of every relationship, we are so blind that we don’t want to see reality. And it is right at the beginning where liars tell us the biggest lies.
In this first stage of every relationship, we are willing to swallow the most unrealistic lies to keep having good sex, not being alone, or whatever it is you want in a relationship.
In the example I gave J, I told him this little story.
I met someone thanks to an APP. On the first date, she says she is a physiotherapist (it was a lie). On the second date, we did it. The next day, she calls and asks, “Do you love me?”.
I tell her, “I just met you”.
She replies, “Well, don’t kill me because I’m a blood donor, and I got a letter saying I have syphilis. I’m sure I got it from my ex, a womanizer, and now you have to get tested”.
I swallowed the excuse. In fact, when I went with her to get tested (fortunately, they were negative), the doctor who attended to me after knowing the story asked me, “Are you going to continue dating her?”
I replied, “You have to give second chances.”
The doctor was thoughtful for a while and said, “I have a hospital full of people who gave second chances.”
Months passed, and as the doctor hinted, the girl was unfaithful several times.
Signal: when strange things start happening at the beginning of a relationship that seems like something out of a surrealistic movie, they are likely lying to you.
2. Lies have deep roots
Supposedly, the girl had told me that she was a physiotherapist. However, the reality was that she worked as a sales clerk in a shoe store and, in her spare time, she did home massages.
When I found out, I thought, “Everyone lies at first to make a good impression.”
I mistakenly thought the girl wanted me to believe she had a brand new college degree because she was interested in me.
But when she realized I didn’t care about her little white lie, the bitter truths began to sprout like mushrooms after it rained.
Not only was she not a physical therapist, but she was not solvent either. She was in debt up to her eyebrows. She was refinancing one credit card with another.
Then I found out she had a compulsive shopping problem.
And finally, she also had a drug problem.
Signal: when behind a white or white lie, you discover one bitter truth after another like matryoshka dolls, you’re with a compulsive liar, my friend.
3. The inferiority complex
I’m about 5’7″, and this girl was little than me (a lot)
I’ve never had a complex about being short. But she bullied me, saying she always went out with tall guys to make her look less short than she was.
This is ridiculous because the taller your partner is, the more noticeable the height difference.
The point is she was always dissatisfied with her physique. She would say, “I used to be a size 36, and look at me now”.
Once, she tripped, and I instinctively — but without malice — laughed at her clumsiness. And she made a scene telling me that I was laughing at her because, deep down, I thought she was stupid.
It was all in her mind. For me, she was brilliant.
She was obsessed with the opinions of others. And she felt watched and judged constantly.
She taught me the ultimate sign that someone is lying to you.
Sign: Self-deception. When people use self-deception as a defense mechanism to protect themselves from their inferiority complex, they will lie to you. Because even if he doesn’t want to lie to you, he believes his lies and ends up making you live in his fantasy world.
Dear J, I hope this article will be helpful for future romantic dates 🙂
To everyone else, a virtual hug
AG
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