#1. The mind can normalize the abnormal to survive.
Sometimes, my life is like a sitcom full of bad jokes that make everyone laugh except me, the central character to whom all the misfortunes happen.
And it’s a bummer because life can’t be edited with Adobe Premiere, and delete the parts that embarrass us before publishing the video.
But I have a trick (or defense mechanism:-): every time I screw up and something gets the better of me, I put it in a folder on my mind’s desktop titled “Don’t open until I’m stronger.”
And then, when I feel like it, I go through that folder. — The funny thing is that I learn a lot by digging through my miseries.
Among the things I’ve discovered lately, there are these disturbing truths that made me sleep with the light on because of how scary they are when you realize it 😉
1. The mind can normalize the abnormal to survive.
Having too many options is a bad option. That’s why my twenties suck.
But having too few options can be much more dangerous than sleeping in a cage full of lions.
When life leaves you with only one path, you go for it. — Which isn’t always as positive as it sounds.
The most disturbing point is that whether you know it or not, you can normalize what is abnormal to survive.
I spent years selling alcohol to alcoholics in a bar to pay my way through a career I never finished and became just another local alcoholic.
I normalized an abnormal environment, and the atmosphere ended up phagocytizing me.
I got out of all that thanks to my grandfather, who told me, “You have to be very smart to realize that you are not so smart.”
And the thing is that when pride rules your life, you can’t grow up. You must understand that if your life is not going well, it is because you are normalizing that it is going badly. And for that, you have to get out of the loop of pride.
Lesson: Normalizing things is something darker than self-deception; it is a lousy defense mechanism that anesthetizes you and prevents you from feeling pain when burned by the flames of hell.
2. Nothing you own is yours: it is borrowed.
And you have to pay rent every day.
My girlfriend left me by phone from Edinburgh after seven years of living together. — At the time, I was living in Malaga, Spain.
In time, stalking her Facebook — yes, I was that kind of ex — I discovered she was with a redhead who wore a plaid skirt on weekdays.
The point is that as harsh as it sounds, the relationship didn’t end overnight, or because red-haired men in kilts are a secret fetish of my ex (or so I’d like to think), a progressive decline ended up causing the breakup.
It was like letting the years go by without worrying about what you eat and discovering that you can’t tie your shoes one day.
It may surprise you, but it happened because you didn’t sign up for the damn pilates class when you had the chance and preferred to spend the day eating Doritos on the couch (I speak from personal experience).
And this applies to everything.
- Your health is borrowed
- Your fitness is borrowed
- Your friendships are borrowed
- Your professional success is borrowed
- Your romantic relationship is borrowed
- Your spirituality, your luck, and your blessings are borrowed
And in this world, no one can live without paying the price.
Stop paying the price (whatever it is) for any of the things on the above list, and you will see how, after three months — at the most — of not paying the rent, you will be kicked to the curb.
Lesson: Don’t take anything for granted. You have to pay the price every day. And that uncertainty is unsettling. But that’s the way it is, my friend.
3. Your confirmation Bias is ruling your life.
It is disturbing to spend your life fearing the storm and one day look in the mirror and discover that you are the storm.
You are not a victim of circumstances but of your own beliefs.
My brain was an addict that looked for its dose of certainties in reality to reaffirm my identity.
That’s why I didn’t listen to anyone who didn’t think like me. Because they confronted my reality and confirmation biases, I did not want to listen to anyone who disagreed.
And this automatically makes you your own worst enemy.
Why?
Because if you think you’re a failure, guess what? Your confirmation biases will look for situations and people that reaffirm your identity.
In my case, I looked for oppressors to reaffirm my oppressed identity.
This is wildly messed up because your mind is just doing its job: looking for what you think you are.
Lesson: No one can hurt you as much as you can hurt yourself. You have to learn to see things from a different perspective so that your confirmation bias doesn’t get the better of you. The only solution is to be intentional with the reality you create by controlling your thoughts exhaustively.
A virtual hug
AG
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