17 Things That Happen When You Feel Alone and Desperate and Nobody Talk About.

#1. You don’t realize how lonely and desperate you are until it’s too late.

Sometimes, something changes that changes everything. And you see how your reality dissolves like a soap bar under a hot shower.

And you have to watch it go down the drain.

And it hurts. I have experienced it firsthand.

I still remember the times when I only felt free-locked up in my room.

I still remember how I had to constantly relieve myself with alcohol and tobacco to stop it from hurting my soul.

I still remember those years of loneliness.

And I think about how I would have liked to read someone who felt like me.

Someone who had gone through the same and survived. Someone who made me feel less lonely and gave me back hope.

That’s why I want to share 17 things that happened to me when I was alone and desperate. So that if you identify with it, you know you can get out of it. I did it. And I hope you’ll do it, too.

The first of all those things is that you don’t realize how lonely and desperate you are until it’s too late.
you hang out with people you wouldn’t hang out with if you weren’t lonely and desperate.
You make terrible decisions to fit in with the people in the previous point.
You feel misunderstood by others, and you stop wanting to do things. You invent your reality, your world. But it is a cannibal world, and it ends up devouring all hope that dwells in you.
You think the world sucks, that your friends are traitors, and that everything wrong always happens to you for being too good (although this is not true, you only realize it as the years go by).
You become super reactive; you don’t want to be told what to do, and any help you receive is viewed with suspicion because you are like a beaten dog that doesn’t trust anyone.
You go through stages where you don’t want any old acquaintance to see you. You don’t want their pity, you don’t want their condescension, you don’t want their false kindness. You don’t want them to see you as weak and broken.
If, despite hiding from people, you run into an old acquaintance and they ask you, are you okay? You smile and say you’re okay (even if you’re dead inside).
You eat poorly, sleep worse, and have no structure or schedule. You can spend the night on the internet and the whole day in bed trying to sleep without success.
You want to be helpful to others, belong to a group of friends, and feel appreciated, but you think you only deserve the contempt of your peers because you feel inadequate. You think you are worthless because your self-esteem is at rock bottom, even though you try to make everyone see how strong you are (it’s all a facade, pure theater).
You have an emptiness inside that you try to fill with food, alcohol, tobacco, p*rn, and social networks, but you only manage to make it bigger.
You have thoughts that are too dark and embarrassing to share with others. You think you’re a monster.
When you finally find someone who wants to spend their time with you, you feel nervous and screwed up because you have social angst, and you don’t feel good interacting with others. This sinks you deeper into your despair because if your problem was loneliness and being with people doesn’t improve the feeling of loneliness but increases your level of stress and sorrow, you think there will be no hope for you (There is when you hit the right people, but you still can’t see it).
Sometimes, everything feels too real. Other times, it feels too unreal. Time is relative; it passes slowly, and it suffocates you. Everything feels intense and then distant from one moment to the next, and you feel dense and anesthetized. Sometimes, you have a thousand reasons to cry, and not a single tear comes out; sometimes, something small but good happens to you, and you cry as if your dog had died.
You live in a dirty and messy environment. But somehow, the mess comforts you. It’s part of you. You have difficulty cleaning and tidying up because all that clutter reflects your inner world, forming a shell that protects you. You are like a hermit crab, unwilling to let go of its rusty can (your messy, dirty room).
You lose track of time every time you go online and start consuming p*rn, watch conspiracy videos like Zeitgeist, or enter a social network or chat to try to interact in the dark from your room with someone as lonely as you. The worst thing is that since you are very vulnerable, you trust any stranger you meet online (because you want to trust, not because you are stupid), and you are a victim of all kinds of deception and manipulation. And then you feel like a used Kleenex, with which some stranger pretending to be someone else wiped his ass. You feel stupid and disoriented.
You leave the TV on so the background noise keeps you company, especially in the wee hours of the morning, so you spend the night listening to teleshopping, and when you get tired of tossing and turning in bed, you end up rummaging through the trash looking for cigarette butts to roll a cigarette with because you ran out of Luckie Strikes. There’s nothing left open at three in the morning.

You can get out of all of the above. I have managed it. It wasn’t easy. But it is possible.

I want you to know that there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel.

And if I, one of the most clumsy people I know, have managed to escape that sordid, desperate loneliness that kept me a prisoner of myself, you can too.

A virtual hug.

Alberto García 🚀🚀🚀