My secret toolbox.
They say that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
It is metira.
Pain and suffering are Siamese twins that are impossible to separate.
What you can do is have a good toolbox with life lessons that will minimize the time you are exposed to pain or make it bearable.
These are the four best tools I have in my box.
1. Become a ghost hunter.
As Zygmunt Bauman stated, “We live in a liquid reality.”
Nothing remains long enough to be considered a foothold: work, studies, partners, friends.
Everything is fluid and unstable.
Even so, when life pushes you against the wall and whispers in your ear, “We both know it’s going to hurt,” it is essential to have something to hold on to.
The best thing to do is eliminate everything that does not serve as a support point.
For that, you will have to exorcise your life of ghosts.
Ghosts are those people who become invisible at the moment of truth and only come back to you when they need you.
Lesson: when fate bowls with your life, you want people who get involved with you.
2. Break the curse
Your brain is like a haunted house; you have to un-haunt it.
Every programmed person ends up being reduced to the mental limits of their programmer.
In other words, just because the adults who programmed you didn’t know how to get the best out of you doesn’t mean you’re not worth more than they thought you were.
The adults who raised you programmed you and cursed you with their limiting ideas.
- If your teacher told you you were dumb, they cursed you.
- If your parents told you that if you went into art, you would starve to death, they cursed you.
- If your relatives told you you would never be as bright as your brother, they cursed you.
- If some resentful ex from your youth told you that no one would love you because you didn’t deserve it, they cursed you.
Reinvent yourself; break the curse.
Free your mind.
Lesson: Start removing the labels you were forced to wear.
3. How many steps does your anger measure?
When you’re upset, you’re more reactive. And that makes the situation worse.
That’s why it is essential to minimize the damage.
I do it with my walk method 😉
- Someone gets on my nerves.
- Instead of arguing, I go for a walk.
- I walk for as long as it takes to calm down.
- I write down the distance walked and the time elapsed (I use a watch with a step counter).
With this, I can resize the size of my anger and know if I am overreacting.
These are my last notes.
- Domestic discussion (cleaning shift) = 1.528 Steps (15 minutes)
- Work discussion = 5,675 Steps (1 hour)
- Money discussions = 12,570 Steps (2’30 hours)
Before using this method, a domestic argument about who has to take out the garbage could last me 4 hours, and thinking about the relative who owes me money (real case) for weeks would give me heartburn.
So 1) I save time from anger, and 2) I distance myself from the problem, and I can regain calm and think clearly.
Lesson: when you get angry, go for a walk, and you’ll get rid of the nasty flashbacks that hijack your attention and take you back to some past argument. You’ll save time and aggravation, and you’ll know how much your anger measures 😉
4. Make a list of your “I never thought I could do it.”
Learn to count the miracles of your life.
When I think I cannot get things right, I take pen and paper and start a list of things I thought impossible and achieved.
My list.
- I never thought I would be able to stop drinking and smoking.
- I never thought I would be able to reconcile with my family.
- I never thought I would manage to lose 30 kg.
- I never thought I would be able to get out of depression.
- I never thought I would become a published author.
- I never thought I would be able to live my dream.
- I never thought I would be able to save money.
The number of things I thought I would never achieve and have achieved is overwhelming.
And I achieved all of them after a great leap of faith.
Make your list, and write it down every time you remember one of those things you thought you would never accomplish.
Lesson: Collect certainties and feed on them to achieve new goals.
A virtual hug
AG
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