How to Forgive Yourself.

happy women hugging
Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on

Only a few people realize in their lifetime what you are about to read below.

When we do something regrettable, we don’t feel bad about it immediately.

It takes time.

Days, years, who knows? But eventually, you notice the guilt pounding in your head and heart.

You don’t feel good about something you did, and you can’t control that feeling: everywhere you go, it haunts you.

You go to sleep, and that feeling goes to bed with you. At that moment, you meet Insomnia.

That’s what happens when we torture ourselves repeatedly for bad things we did in the past.

But here’s the thing…

You never stop to think about why you feel so bad.

You assume it’s because of the things you did. And it’s not.

You feel bad because you’re not the same person who did them. Read it again.

That’s the reason for your shame.

It’s not because of what you did. It’s because you’re completely different from when you did it.


And if you think about it, that’s a good thing. It means you’ve matured.

What can you do to feel better?

Change your perspective. Accept your guilt and shame for what they are: signs that you’ve changed.

You have to because the level of the game has gone up.

And you’re playing badly.

At this point in life, your problem is no longer that you did this or that wrong.

The new game is learning to deal with yourself and your feelings.

Easier said than done. But you have to forgive yourself and move on.

You are punishing yourself for something you did.

That’s why you don’t forgive yourself because you punish yourself.

Because you think you deserve that pain.

But this is wrong; pain can’t change the past. It doesn’t work. You can’t be the punisher and the victim at the same time.

Failure teaches us, but you must practice what you learned about the bad things you did.

Every time your memories come up and you start to feel guilty, take a deep breath. Take your time. Feel free to hold the feeling. Feel it and let it go.

This is how you forgive yourself.

Let’s go more profound about how to forgive yourself.

First, we must be clear that forgiving ourselves does not mean justifying our faults.

It is learning to move on.

It takes a lot of work. But if you follow these four steps, you’ll get there sooner.

The four steps of forgiveness

  1. Acknowledge the truth

Until you are honest with yourself, you will not begin to heal. You must stop deceiving yourself.

  1. Own what happened

Accept responsibility for your actions, face your demons, and learn from what happened.

  1. Get in touch with our emotions

Do not repress your emotions. Let them flow. Your feelings have a history; if you repress what you feel, you are only holding back that talk with yourself that you need to have.

To fully understand what hurts you, you need to experience that pain. This fosters empathy.

  1. Allow yourself to feel

Allow yourself to be upset for a while. You don’t have to pretend you’re okay if you’re not. It’s okay to go through sad times. We live in a smiley society, but sometimes, you must cry to heal emotional wounds. And it’s okay to do so.

Final thoughts

It doesn’t matter if you feel guilty about something you did in the past.

It doesn’t matter because it won’t change anything.

What does change things is taking action.

It doesn’t do anyone any good if you stay in a corner torturing yourself. Neither the person you offended nor yourself. I know this from experience.

Stop hurting yourself. Free yourself from the weight of guilt. Go on your way and try to avoid repeating the same mistakes.

Accept that you are not perfect: no one is.

People hurt people no matter how much they love them; it’s part of life.

Accept that you can’t walk through the countryside without stepping on some flowers and trying to leave things better than you found them to make up for it.

A virtual hug


3 responses to “How to Forgive Yourself.”

  1. Great advise. What has helped me tremendously is to acknowledge the fact that we are imperfect and that life is merely a training ground to build us up into the person we are meant to become. So our faults merely notify us on what is the next step in that development. If we didn’t commit faults, we wouldn’t know the next step.

    Motivational and spiritual blogger:

    1. Wow! Thank you so much for sharing it, George. I wish you a great day.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: