Stop giving importance to what they think of you. You don’t need anyone to value what you do for others. If you love yourself, that’s enough.
Detach yourself from how others see you.
You have nothing to prove, and people will use deception against you to manipulate you or make themselves feel better at your expense.
It doesn’t matter if you are a good person. Many people are mean, and if you help them instead of saying thank you, they will try to hurt you because they don’t like to feel indebted to you, and they will try to repay your good deeds with their meanness.
Yes, I know, you are thinking, why do evil people do this?
Short version, it’s in their nature.
Bad people think they are superior to others. Therefore, they believe they are better than you. And that makes you the bad guy in their minds because you are inferior to them, and therefore you are to blame for all their ills. And they will try to make you feel guilty to manipulate and use you.
But you are only guilty of one thing: of trying to change them.
It’s like in the fable of the scorpion and the frog.
Once upon a time, a scorpion wanted to cross a river and asked a frog to help him get across by allowing the scorpion to ride on his back while the frog swam.
The frog at first said no because he knew the scorpion was a predator and could inject him with poison with his stinger.
But the scorpion, who had charisma and people skills, told him, “How do you think I am going to sting you with my stinger in the middle of the river if you carry me on your back. If I do that,,, we would both drown”.
As the scorpion’s argument seemed to make sense, the frog agreed, and in the middle of the river, do you know what happened?
The scorpion could not resist and stung the frog with its stinger.
As they both drowned, the frog asked, “Why did you do it?” And the scorpion replied, “Because I cannot be what I am not, I cannot avoid my nature.”
The frog knew it, but he let himself be convinced. And in the end, he got screwed.
Your only fault
It’s the same for you: that’s your only fault; trying to change the nature of others.
Bad people are bad people. They may eventually change for the better, but until that happens, they can fuck up your life if you stick around.
That’s why you have to detach yourself from what some people think of you because bad people’s criticism is destructive, not constructive.
Think about it, why does someone criticize you when you are helping them?
Easy, so that you feel evil, responsible, and indebted and keep helping them even if you jeopardize your own financial, emotional well-being, or mental health.
That is the mechanics of any abuser: nothing you do for them will ever be enough for them.
The bullies will always want more money.
They will always demand more of your time.
They will always need another favor.
It’s an endless cycle, and the only way to get out of it is to be strong and break the pattern.
You are not the wrong person, and you know it.
No one has to tell you if you are a good or wrong person, that’s on your conscience.
No one has the moral authority to judge you: no one.
Because anyone who believes he has the right to do so is probably a narcissist because if you think you have the right to qualify others morally, you think you are a God. I can’t think of anything more narcissistic than that way of being.
A psychologist once told me, “Victims always visit my office, never their abusers.”
And that changed my perspective on relationships with others forever. It’s true. In the end, we are the ones who end up with sequelae and trauma, spending thousands of dollars at the psychologist’s office, not our abusers. So don’t feel bad if you need to put some people apart.
Also, I want to give you the recipe to keep them from hurting you. The first part you already know: detach yourself from what emotional vampires think of you. You don’t need them to realize what a good person you are. They will never appreciate you. They want you to spend your life fighting for their attention. So stop paying attention to them.
The other two parts of the recipe are forgiveness and gratitude.
There are three types of forgiveness.
- I forgive, but I don’t forget. We can’t forget things, even if we ignore them, so they don’t hurt us again.
- I forgive you, but I try to trust you again. This forgiveness only applies to family and certain friends.
- I forgive you, but I don’t want to see you again. This forgiveness is not selfish forgiveness. On the contrary, you stay away from the one who hurts you because you love and respect yourself.
Think of all the good things that have happened in your life.
Use your scales to weigh all the blessings you have received and smile because no matter how much they want to hurt you, you know that your life has been, is, and will be a success. Otherwise, you would not have so many things to be grateful for.
Being negative is easy. Being positive needs daily work and perseverance, but it is worth it. So work on yourself: don’t be influenced by the wrong people.
Choose yourself. Your mental health comes first. Because if you are not well, you cannot help others. Try to be happy. And don’t forget this life advice from my grandfather,
If you ask me for money and I don’t have it
How can I give it to you?
It’s the same with happiness
You can’t give what you don’t have
If we are not happy with ourselves
How can we make others happy?
Love yourself so much
That you can give happiness as a gift
A virtual hug