A great warrior once told me,
“Don’t be ashamed of your wounds because in time they will heal and become scars, And you know, only the brave have scars because those who don’t have scars haven’t been through what you just went through. They haven’t fought a real battle.”
He was right.
The problem is that, as we know, we spend our days worrying about everything, trying to avoid as many blows as possible. But it is impossible to avoid them all, and we must learn to live with them.
Let me tell you a little fable.
The sorcerer and the grain of rice
In the distant past, a woman lost her son in a tragic accident. One day, she was swimming with friends in a lake and drowned.
The woman cried inconsolably for years until a neighbor in her village, moved by her tears, told her that on top of a nearby mountain was a hermit sorcerer who lived alone in an old wooden hut. And that this man was famous for his potions capable of soothing pain.
The woman, exhausted from crying so much, went up the mountain, knocked on the door of the sorcerer’s hut, and told him what had happened.
The sorcerer told her that he could help. But only if she got the ingredients to prepare the potion would remove her pain.
The woman asked him what that ingredient was, and the old sorcerer told her a single grain of rice.
“You have to find a grain of rice in the house of a family that has never suffered a tragedy.”
Eventually, the woman discovered that the sorcerer was indeed a wise man.
After months of wandering from village to village, looking for happy families to get the grain of rice, she discovered that no family had not suffered. Whoever did not have a sick relative had lost a husband in the war or a father to the plague.
When she understood this, the woman’s pain eased because she understood that no matter how hard life hits, life has to follow its course, like a river that flows to the sea.
Now that we know what problems we all have. I want to share with you three techniques so that things affect you less and you don’t spend the day worrying about things that are often only in your mind.
Because when you have a problem, you have to deal with it, not worry about it.
1. The computer technique: Delete computer cookies from your mind.
Some time ago, I overheard a conversation between two friends on the terrace of a bar. One told the other that she didn’t have to be so authoritarian with her boyfriend because he was a good catch and would leave her for someone else.
The conversation went on like this,
— Auntie, how can you be so sure he won’t leave you with how badly you treat him and how attractive he is? He could get another girlfriend at any time.
— No. Because he doesn’t know he’s handsome, he has a complex and feels insufficient.
— WOW! Make sure he doesn’t find out, hahaha.
It was a fierce conversation. But it got me thinking.
We have a lot of ideas in our head that stay residual in other times of our lives, and just like the cookies that a computer stores, if you don’t clear the history from time to time, they end up slowing down the system, and your PC starts to crash. That guy sure was chubby as a child or had braces or any other defect and grew up suffering bullying, and now, as an adult, his self-esteem is at rock bottom. So that’s why the girl in the conversation took advantage of him.
But I’m sure you’re wondering, what does this have to do with “stop worrying”?
Everything. Because most of our worries stem from our lack of self-esteem from our negative residual memories.
You’re not 14 anymore. You’re an adult now, and you don’t have to feel undervalued, unattractive, short, fat, dumb, or whatever else the emotional abusers around you made you believe as a child.
It also applies to toxic relationships. So you must clean the cookies of all those partners who treated you like shit to increase your self-esteem and stop worrying about things like, “Sure, my boyfriend is leaving me for someone else.”
This cookie thing happens every time we have a terrible experience.
- An abusive boss
- A toxic partner
- A tragedy
The memory of that situation leaves a cookie in your head, and when you go through a similar experience, you start to worry before the time.
Now that you know how it works, you can delete the cookies and worry less.
2. The technique of perception: Seeing adversity as a tool
- How can you be wise without solving problems?
- How can you be courageous without facing battles?
- How can you be experienced without living?
If you want a bright future, you must live focused on the present because it is today that you get the tools you will need tomorrow. What happens is that the universe does not send them through Amazon to your door.
The tools that the universe puts in your way come disguised as problems.
Imagine that your computer always breaks down, and instead of complaining, you learn how to fix it. That’s what a friend of mine did, and today, he has a chain of electronic equipment repair stores in Madrid (Spain).
You have to change your perception and realize that every problem you face is a tool that will allow you to develop a new skill that will change your life.
If you start to see adverse situations from this perspective, you will stop worrying and start caring. And who knows, maybe you will discover the solution to a problem that many people have, and you will become prosperous marketing the solution 🙂
3. The technique of courage
If you go through life looking for (positive) problems, you get vaccinated against adverse issues because you get used to facing setbacks and unforeseen events.
If you don’t believe me, ask a family member who owns a business or is self-employed.
That person knows well what I am talking about.
When a car doesn’t break down, an employee leaves. When a machine doesn’t break down, a supplier doesn’t arrive.
The mantra of this type of person is,
“You don’t have to worry; you must take care.”
You have to understand that when you leave your comfort zone, you start to experience discomfort, like a vaccine. So that is a small dose of the virus called a tragedy.
And so, if you get used to facing that discomfort every day when you have a real problem, you will worry less because you are vaccinated against tragedy, and you will start looking for solutions faster.
Reminder for the memory
- Clears cookies and removes minor traumas from the past.
- Start seeing problems as tools to achieve a bright future.
- Look for positive problems, get out of your comfort zone, and vaccinate yourself against excessive worry.
A virtual hug