#1- Most people don’t miss you when you leave.
To understand ourselves, we have to grind the experiences we live through in the grinder of memory; to come back again and again to the same thing, tear it apart, break it down, boil it in our mind, filter it and serve it as the best coffee in the morning.
And that’s what I do when I write: try to understand the incomprehensible. Those things are so every day that they go unnoticed but are nonetheless vital to leading a good life.
As a result of that analysis, of that compulsive and obsessive observation, sometimes I come across realities that are difficult to digest but authentic.
Here are three of those hard truths. I hope they surprise you but above all that they make you think.
1. People don’t miss you when you leave
The saying goes, “you only appreciate things when you lose them.” But that’s only true, at first. Time eventually erases everything, even the most profound traces.
You spend too much time considering what people you surround think about you. And it doesn’t matter as much as you think.
90% of people you know today will not give a f*ck about you ten years from now.
How do I know that? Because it happens to me all the time in both ways.
I don’t remember the name of people who, at some point in my youth, were close to me: Girlfriends, friends, co-workers, teachers, bosses. You name it.
And I bet you anything they don’t remember me either; they don’t wake up on a Saturday morning and, while spreading butter on their toast, wonder, “What’s Alberto doing now?”
I don’t blame them. I don’t either.
Stop wasting your time and energy on what to say because most people around you today will not miss you when your paths part.
2. People don’t want your advice; they want to get it off their chest
I know it seems a contradiction, but after 40 years of walking under the sun, I have realized that life is a cocktail made up of four ingredients: Feelings, Logic, poetry, and chance.
Without logic, you end up ruined.
Without feelings, life is flat.
Without poetry, you lose the humor of the joke.
And without chance, everything would be predictable and boring.
All these elements intermingle with each other, and that’s why people end up doing such strange things as asking for advice to not only not use it but to do precisely the opposite of what the advice suggests.
A month ago, a friend of mine told me she wanted to leave her boyfriend because they had many problems: the guy didn’t shower, he didn’t help with the housework, he spent too much money, and they could barely make ends meet.
I gave her the only advice shown in these situations: run away!
And in the end, she did the opposite. So she went on vacation with him to spend the money they didn’t have and make the hole deeper.
Listen to your friends, and advise them, but be clear that what they want is to be able to let off steam. And don’t be offended when they do the opposite of what you suggest. In the end, they are the ones who have to realize and change their situation. But you can support them a lot by active listening.
3. Language is the source code with which your reality is programmed
Life is always subjective and ends up contaminated by the observer’s perception. The observer is you. And language encodes all your reality.
The media and advertisers know it, and the politicians who want your vote realize it.
That language can be presented in written format, podcasts, and videos. But it fills your subconscious and produces on a conscious level your opinion of things like,
The type of people you like
The type of policies you support
The type of activities you do in your free time.
And so on.
Being positive or negative, for example, is more a matter of code than emotion.
If you read, listen, and see that everything is wrong all the time, it is logical that you wake up feeling like sh*t, thinking everything is sh*t and that nothing makes sense.
On the contrary, if you read, listen and watch videos of positive people with illusion and energy, some of that undoubtedly infiltrates your mind and infects your reality.
Change the way you talk to yourself.
Change the way you talk to others.
Change the way you communicate with your electronic devices and algorithms.
The language you use determines your reality. Because you can only associate images, emotions, and thoughts through your language, it is how you communicate with your environment, others, and yourself. So change your language, and you will change your reality.
A virtual hug