#15-Vulnerability is sexy.
The world isn’t fair, but that’s something you learn over the years.
And there are other things you learn over the years that you wish you had known in your twenties.
Things that are an unfair advantage to the mature people who know them.
Things that no one tells you.
Things like these twenty truths.
1. Guilt is a weapon used to manipulate.
When you grow up, you understand that nothing is free in this world, and that debt, whether material, sentimental or moral, is something that people skillfully against you. In fact, it is a tool that your loved ones (parents, partners, friends, siblings) use to keep you from losing you, to make you take care of them, to make you do things that if you didn’t feel indebted you wouldn’t do.
2. Pain leads you to progress.
There are two kinds of pain, the necessary and the unnecessary. And if you don’t know which is which, you’re screwed. If you don’t avoid the unnecessary one, you’re screwed. If you don’t embrace the necessary one, you’re screwed: avoiding it gives rise to procrastination, vices, and pleasure becomes pain and regret. If I were twenty years old again, I would be disciplined. The pain of daily discipline is infinitely less painful than the pain of years of undisciplined life in the future. So you need to face the necessary pain to progress in life.
3. It’s not what you say; it’s what you do that makes you happy or unhappy.
If your words and actions are not aligned, you will live a life full of frustration. There are few things worst than lying to yourself. People live in quiet desperation because they don’t do what they say. The world is for doers, not for wannabes: I wanna be rich, I wanna be famous, I wanna be fit, I wanna be doctor, I wanna be… you name it. But they don’t have the guts to put in the work. They even never take the first step.
4. History is written by winners, never by losers.
The world isn’t fair, honey. And millions of unknown human beings exist for every famous person you see on T.V., People no one cares about. Numbers and statistics. People whose names only appear in the newspapers if they are victims of a tragedy. People like you and me. When you understand this, you quit the unnecessary sh*t and start giving the necessary f*cks. Because you internalize that either you take care of yourself, prioritize yourself and give importance to yourself, or no one else will.
5. It’s not the time you live, it’s the way you live it.
A full life is a risky life. No one knows how long they will live, but if you live intensely, any length of life can be fruitful. Some people lived thirty years and achieved much more than others who lived a hundred years.
6. Values are priceless.
You need values to build structures that help you achieve your goals. And by definition, although it may seem counterintuitive to you, structures are made up of beams and foundations upon which you build. In other words, limits. You need limits to be unlimited. Without limits, there is no structure; without structure, there is no worthy life you can build. Those limits, those beams, those foundations are values.
7. Within an angel may dwell the devil.
I’ve had more toxic relationships than I can count. And I can tell you that one of the biggest lessons I have learned in this life is that the physical cannot compensate for what the soul lacks. It’s not worth dating someone attractive if they’re dead inside. It’s not worth dating a supermodel if inside that body is a mean and selfish being. It is much better to run away and escape the trap of their attraction.
8. No matter where you go, your problems will go with you.
The real problems you will face during your adulthood are inside yourself. And you can’t escape from yourself by traveling around the world. But if you meet your issues with faith and a good sense of humor, you’ll be fine in almost every place you stay.
9. If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll end up badly
Worse than a wrong lens is no lens at all. The sailor who rows aimlessly will never reach port. If you don’t want to exhaust yourself in the middle of the sea and the storm comes and sinks you, you will have to have a fixed objective. That goal gives you a direction, and guts and desire do the rest. Not having goals in life leads you to the dead end of bitterness. You don’t want to go somewhere like that. Instead, find a goal and focus on it. If you do, you’ll be much happier and better able to withstand life’s blows.
10. Nothing is lost, only transformed, and that transformation gives meaning to existence.
The worst thing you can do is to get attached to people or things because everything is constantly changing. Today you have money, and tomorrow you don’t. Today you are with one person, and tomorrow you are with another. So today, you are happy, and tomorrow, you are miserable. No two days are the same, although routine gives us the false sensation that it is so. Change changes us but teaches us and makes us learn and evolve in life.
11. What worries you today may not matter tomorrow.
Some things scare us, and they are small things, but we need time, experience, and distance to realize them. Besides, we all change our tastes and interests throughout our lives. So don’t become passionate about anything, and remember the old saying, never say I will not drink this water because you may end up drinking the whole glass.
12. The more you fail, the far you go.
When you are young, you are ashamed to fail. Until you find out that the best shooter in the NBA is usually the one who misses the most shots, it’s a matter of probability. Those most willing to fail are the ones who go the farthest because they are people who dare to do things that most people don’t do because of what people will say.
13. Perfection does not exist.
Perfectionist people tend to delay things too much. When I was in college, my friends didn’t want to graduate and start entrepreneurship; they wanted to graduate and study for a master’s degree, then another, and then another. They were never prepared enough for life. And some of them ended up being engineering professors but never became engineers for a single day. The world is full of imperfect people being imperfect. And the only way to compete is to take risks. No one is born knowing, but you can learn much along the way. So the important thing is to start even if you don’t have the perfect conditions on your side. Spoiler alert! You will never have them.
14. Courage is a powerful tool.
Courage is the ability to face danger or difficulty with passion, decision, and courage. And to do so, one must learn to manage fear and risk. Courage is fuel. A life worth living needs large doses of courage because there are no meaningful lives without problems.
15. Vulnerability is sexy.
Why do you like a song or a movie? Because you identify with the music or the character. It is identification that makes you like something or dislike it. That identification makes you vibrate in tune with something or someone. So if you identify with someone on a deep level, it is very likely that you will like that person as a friend or as a partner, right? Well, that’s where vulnerability comes in. We are not as strong as we want to make others think we are. We all have complicated lives full of problems, and it’s comforting to meet people along the way who understand how you feel; people you identify with; people who are not afraid to share their feelings; people who dare to show their vulnerability.
16. Everything you need to solve a problem is usually right before you.
My grandfather said, “The only problem you can’t solve is death.”So, by definition, a problem is something you can solve. And for solving something, you only can use the tools next to you because you can’t use something you don’t have. Do you understand what I mean? In conclusion: you have what you need to solve every problem you face pretty near you. Sometimes so near that you can’t see it.
17. Addiction is slavery
In college, you used to do what everybody does to fit in. But later in life, you discover the brutal consequences of getting trapped by a substance. I started smoking in college and was addicted for over a decade. Unfortunately, I was unable to enjoy anything fully. When I had a date, I couldn’t stop thinking about leaving the restaurant to smoke a cigarette. When I accomplished something meaningful, I couldn’t wait to get out of the office to smoke. When I had to mourn my grandfather at his wake, my mind just wanted to go outside the church and smoke. I was not me; I was a slave to nicotine. Don’t fall into addiction; if you are in it, start realizing that it enslaves you and regain your freedom.
18. You can’t control a sh*t
In the same way that you can’t please everyone. You can’t control everything. Life is all but predictable. You have a false sense of control to keep going. But you control a sh*t. And that’s a lesson we learn the hard way. Sometimes when we lose someone, we love.
19. Lossing sometimes is winning.
Remember this every time you think you have lost something important. What I am about to tell you will seem super hard, but losing most of my childhood friends was complex medicine for my sick ego. Still, it turned me into the person I am today, and I am immensely grateful that life or the universe took those people away from me and that I could progress. The same happens when you lose a job or a partner. I’ve been there, and with time you realize that you have to lose a lot of battles to win the war of life.
20. People are assets
I don’t want to sound cold, but I’m not here to sweeten your ears. People are the ones who have the money you need. People are the ones who have the opportunity you need. People are the ones with the answers you need. So it is essential to invest in improving your social and communication skills. Because it is more important to know the right people than to have capital, money can’t open every door, but meeting the right person can.
Now you know some truths that give the old school players an unfair advantage. Use them wisely.
A virtual hug