Tedium is ruining everything.
Toxic friendships are everywhere this days.
We have lost the north.
We only direct our lives in pursuit of the next dopamine rush.
Tedium is ruining everything because we can no longer cope with it. We want everything easy and fast.
Friendship has become another commodity, like fast food or fast fashion, something to consume and discard.
These are some signs of toxic friendship I have observed in the people I have interacted with lately.
Like on Instagram, people today use you to have fun. You are another form of entertainment for your toxic friends. And like A TikTok video, you are scrolled down and replaced with the next person when you bore them.
Toxic friends do things like,
- Leave your WhatsApp conversations blank when they get bored of you.
- Have a date with you, and when the date gets a little boring, they show you apathy and never try to make you smile.
- When you are in a group, they are intolerant of your opinions so that you feel annoyed and make room for other people.
You have to entertain them and leave when they say. You are a consumer object to be used and discarded. And if you don’t accept it, they will gaslight you.
Lack of patience
You get lucky when you mess up and get a second chance these days.
Patience is a rare commodity in the hyper-egocentric age.
No one will forgive you a sh*t those days because people no longer know how to deal with complex feelings like compassion.
And, of course, it’s never their fault (irony). So in 2023, no one is whiling to accept responsibility. It is always other people’s fault.
The victimhood mindset is the rule in our society. And no one takes the time to reflect and understand that when two friends argue, it is very likely that both parties are at fault.
There have always been people who have taken advantage, but nowadays, they think they deserve anything just because they were born.
As you get older, you discover that many spoiled people since childhood live their lives as if we all owe them obeisance. And when they ask you for a favor, not only do they not thank you, but they get offended if you tell them no.
And of course, they never return the favor because YOU have to help them and not the other way around.
And if you don’t help them, you become a nuisance, and they cancel you as a friend.
Extremely sensitive ego
Fragile egos characterize toxic friendships. Deep down, they don’t want friends; they want worshippers. And if you don’t tell them what they want to hear, they will act offended and even speak ill of you to others.
Toxic friends have fragile egos and seek constant validation but never delve into differences, let alone get feedback from you.
They are not interested in improving themselves or making you better.
The fundamental goal of this type of person is to make it very clear to you that they are better than you and that your place is at their feet by worshipping them.
Finally, I want to quickly mention two disturbing behaviors of toxic friends in the digital age.
- Re-encounter without context: they may get angry with you and show up a week or a month later, pretending nothing happened, and unless you ask them, they will never mention the conflict. It’s the closest thing to asking for forgiveness they know how to do: reappear when they are interested in you again and you are helpful to them.
- Stalker control: Today’s toxic friends can leave you waiting for their response for days when you chat with them but obsessively control your WhatsApp.
So be very careful. Curate your friends. And remember that it is better to have few good friends than many toxic ones.
You’re not crazy; it’s not that you’re annoying. It’s just that many secretly depressed people don’t know how to do better in your company. And other people are very selfish. Be patient and treat people the way you would like to be treated. If we all do our bit, everything will get better with time.
A virtual hug