Life can be better if you listen to the right people. — Even if they brought tears to your eyes.
Some people can be the best places to stay.
A loved one can be the best shelter for the winter.
A true friend can become the best beach you can visit on vacation.
A mother can be that safe harbor where you can leave your boat until the storm is over.
But we don’t always realize this because we are so focused on our goals and objectives that we have forgotten how important it is to return to those places (or people) where life feels right.
Hyperindividualism has screwed with all our heads: we’ve covered our emotions with armor and locked ourselves behind the walls of a fortress so that no one can reach our hearts.
We don’t want anyone to touch it because it can hurt us, and we’re sick of so much pain. So we prefer to live in our prison, behind the bars of indifference and indifference.
But now and then, we listen to someone and have a lucid moment that changes everything.
And there are phrases capable of breaking down all our barriers with a sledgehammer.
Today I want to share three that made me cry when I internalized them and dared to trust others again, even though I know that loving hurts.
Let’s dive in.
1. On compassion
“If you want to help others, practice compassion. But if you’re going to help yourself, practice compassion.“— Dalai Lama.
Before, when I went to bed, I was thinking…
I wish I could find someone who could calm my sleepless nights.
I wish I could find someone who could introduce happy endings to my nightmares.
I wish I could find someone who could invent the time machine and help me go back to 1990 when I was a boy and still believed in humanity.
I wish I could. But I know it’s impossible.
So I settle for finding someone I can call in the wee hours of the morning. Someone to hold me when darkness reigns in my dreams. Someone who will make me have faith in the future again.
In short, someone who has empathy.
But reading that sentence about the Dalai Lama opened my eyes (and made me cry) because I started thinking as follows…
If having compassion means feeling tenderness and empathizing with someone’s ills, Why can’t I feel tenderness for myself? Why can’t I permit myself to feel distressed? Why can’t I give myself quality time to be with myself?
If I do, I will truly identify with that stranger I see every morning in front of the bathroom mirror.
If I do, the cognitive dissonance between who society wants me to be and who I am will end.
I will know how to do it with others if I do it. And then I will be able to change the world (at least a little bit).
And I did, and it made a difference.
2. On stopping feeling like crap
“Things become rubbish when they are treated as rubbish.” — Shoukei Matsumoto.
Shoukei asks, “what is garbage?” in his book “Monk’s Guide to Cleansing the House and Mind” and says that garbage is that which is dirty, worn out, useless, no longer useful, no longer needed, etc. Something that once WAS NOT TRASH.
Wow! low blow. Reading it took the blindfold off my eyes.
A voice inside me realized that I was treating myself as worthless, something that once wasn’t trash but now was. Because as Shoukei states, “Things become rubbish when they are treated as rubbish.”
And I treated myself as garbage and therefore allowed others to treat me that way.
Internalizing that phrase of Shoukei’s made me cry and changed my attitude.
Now I take care of myself physically, aesthetically, and mentally. I know that if I treat myself like garbage, I will become garbage because it has happened to me.
I don’t eat garbage.
I don’t watch garbage content.
I don’t read garbage.
I don’t hang out with people who make me feel like garbage.
And because of that, I feel infinitely better.
3. On being social
“Nothing is ever personal in the realm of social relations. When someone shows anger toward you, resentment, or some negative emotion, 95% of the time, they are dealing with their feelings, problems, and traumas.” — Robert Greene.
How many times have I played dignified because someone has offended me?
Robert Greene made me understand with his phrase that how you feel is how you behave.
When my head hurts, I become cruel. I can’t even stand myself. And this extends to others.
We all have bad days. Some people are fighting battles we can’t even imagine. Being kind is sometimes impossible for a person who has grown up in a dysfunctional family.
Does that mean I have to justify people who mistreat me?
Of course, it doesn’t. What it means is that no one does anything for no reason. And my job is to do the best I can but not to take responsibility for anything that is not my responsibility.
And that made me understand that my mother, who lives with constant pain in her body, often can’t help yelling at me, but also that I am not responsible for her unhappiness or her happiness.
I, as a son, can do what I can to make her feel better, but I should not feel bad if I fail because it is inefficient: if I take care of my mother and let her attitude make me bitter, how will I be able to keep trying to cheer her up so that she does not get depressed?
I don’t have to take things so personally. People don’t usually have a problem with me; they have a problem inside and take it out on others. And even if it sucks, it’s good to know that you’re not the one who’s failing.
When I internalized it, I took a heavy weight off my shoulders, and my tears flowed in floods.
And the truth is, sometimes crying cleanses you. And it does you good. It makes you take out everything that is no longer useful inside.
And I hope that these phrases have made you reflect and that you can cleanse yourself a little bit too.
A virtual hug
AG
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