Sin 7: Shame.
Sometimes you spend too much time and effort trying to fix something that was too broken to be fixed.
You know what I’m talking about: relationships.
But when is the moment to quit and let it go?
Well, I’m not the wiser man on the earth, but, mate, I’m in my forties, and at this point of my life, I have lost so many friends that I have a f*cking list of deadly sins that if you let them into your life, they lead to the end of any good friendship.
Let’s dive in.
Sin 1: Negativity
Being realistic is not the same as being negative.
People who only know how to take the bad out of things are cancer that contaminates your life.
If a person is incapable of looking at the difficult moments you have overcome and being happy for you and only pointing out your failures, then they are incapable of understanding that those moments of tribulation are a fundamental part of the plot of the movie your life.
And you need Mickey Goldmill in your corner to beat Apollo Creed, little Rocky.
You need a good friend every time you step into the ring of life, a realistic guy who warns you of the dangers, gives you sage advice and encourages you when your opponent has you on the ropes.
You need a friend in your corner who will yell, “get up and fight,” every time you kiss the floor. You need someone who will not only tell you the bad but motivate you to deal with it and help you turn the dark into bright and the bad into good.
You need someone willing to surf giant waves alongside you and smile despite the fear.
A little reminder: The way you remember things matters. The stories you tell yourself matter. The movie of your life matters. A good friend supports positive storytelling and your hero’s journey. Avoid people who want to bring you misery with their toxic comments and criticisms.
Sin 2: Viscosity
The second sin of friendship is what I call viscosity or tainted morals.
Some friends want to drag you into the mud after a bad patch.
Their wife leaves them, and they want you to go drinking with them.
They get fired from their job and want you to come over to their house to smoke some weed.
They have a mid-life crisis and want you to go with them on a trip to Vegas to feel young again.
These friends will use strategies to seduce you into going down the wrong road with them.
They will try to do it the easy way, but if they fail, they will do it the hard way. They’ll tell you things like, “You used to be cool,” “You only do what your wife says.” And all kinds of sh*t aimed at touching your ego and getting you to accompany them on a road trip through the hell of bad decisions.
A little reminder: What happens in Vegas DOES NOT STAY in Vegas. Bad decisions bring more negative consequences as you age. Getting drunk in your twenties is not the same as in your forties. Help your friends when they need it but don’t accompany them on the road to self-destruction.
Sin 3: Lack of interest
Laziness is a silent sin.
We start by calling our friends less and end up distancing ourselves forever.
Life changes us all, but if you want your friendship to last, you must invest time in your friends. Or find new ones and again INVEST TIME in them.
Most friendships eventually succumb to this sin and dry up for lack of watering.
Without care and attention, no relationship can last.
Worst of all, when a friendship dries up, you must make a difficult decision, like pulling up the dry plants and planting new seeds.
A little reminder: Call your colleague, or send him a funny video via WhatsApp from time to time. I have one friend who sends me hip-hop songs I like and another who remembers me when he drinks. With their songs and jokes, they both sent me a message encrypted in the buddy code that says, “I’m here, I’m not forgetting.”
Sin 4: The betrayal
Friendship is a bird with two wings: the wing of empathy and the wing of loyalty. And no bird can fly with only one wing.
If empathy or loyalty fails, friendship fails.
Betrayal is a sin against friendship because it commodifies it. The one who betrays a friend 95% of the time does it to obtain some benefit, the remaining five for the next capital sin of friendship: envy.
A little reminder: we all want to have loyal friends, but loyalty is a two-way street. One cannot expect loyalty without giving it. And when you try to impose it through fear or pressure, tares and resentment begin to flourish in the hearts of your allies and friends, and sooner or later, they will betray you.
Sin 5: Envy
Envy means “A feeling of sadness or anger experienced by a person who does not have or would like to have something that another possesses.”
In the above definition, there are two keys 1) feeling sad or angry and 2) possessing for oneself something that another has.
That is, on the one hand, we feel bad. Envy hurts because it generates inner rage. And on the other hand, it leads us to selfishness, the following capital sin of friendship.
As you can see, most of these sins are related. It only takes one of them to start acting on you to produce a chain effect that destroys any friendship you have, even the longest-lasting ones.
A little reminder: The best way to cure envy is through gratitude. Be genuinely glad for the blessings that touch the lives of your friends, and they will share them with you.
Sin 6: Selfishness
We are all different, but true friendship is only between individuals who treat each other as equals. That is called respect.
It is not a friendship if there is not that kind of respect between the parties. It may be a relationship of convenience, work, or power, but it is undoubtedly not a friendship.
The problem with sharing your time with someone selfishly is not that they don’t want to share their toys with you but that they think they are better than you.
A selfish person does not believe you are worthy of what you have, much less what they have or should have. (This brings us to the last deadly sin of friendship: shame.)
Selfish people abuse their position of power concerning a group. And that generates a hierarchy but not a friendship.
A little reminder: sharing is loving. You can only be friends with someone if there is love. And there can only be love if there is sharing (and not only material things). So you have to share everything, the good and the bad. Only in this way can a lasting friendship be achieved.
Sin 7: Shame
Someone who is ashamed to be seen in public with you is not your real friend.
They are selfish people who think they are better than you and will probably keep you around because they get something out of you, materially or emotionally.
When a friend is ashamed of you, they have committed a cardinal sin of friendship that will end it.
A good friend is ALWAYS proud of his friends because their friends are part of their identity, part of who they are.
A little reminder: Value yourself, and seek reciprocity; it’s the best way for a friendship to thrive.
Bonus
Universal formula of friendship: Rejoice when a friend is doing well, support them when things go wrong, and despite time and distance, that friendship will last in your life until the end.
AG
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