That is what my best friend told me the day my ex dumped me.
And he pissed me off, but he was right.
But I didn’t realize it until much later.
Now I know exactly what it’s the reason all my relationships failed.
I was emotionally Hungry.
Here is what I learned.
First things first
In life, you deal with two kinds of resistance,
- Evolving resistance: the one you feel when you don’t want to lose what you have. That generates attachment.
- Doing resistance: the one you feel when you have to cope with the new: learn something new, meet someone new, move to another place.
The two resistances complement each other and keep you static. That’s why you feel the procrastination effect.
Procrastination is another way of auto-sabotage yourself to stay where you are.
And that’s a mess because in a changing universe, the one who renegade changes it’s condemned to suffering the most. — And make others suffer.
The real problem
Sometimes it is so hard for us to find someone who loves us that when we get them, we want to possess them as if they were an object, so they will not leave us.
And that eventually kills the relationship because the other part stops feeling free.
And after the broke, there you are, alone. Looking for someone. Needing again. Searching and Demanding love from another human being. And that’s the real problem.
Assimilation of the breakup
When your partner leaves you, you enter a phase of mourning, where you cannot fully enjoy the present because you live attached to the past with all the strength of your heart.
- You listen to songs that remind you of your ex.
- You walk around the places where you are happy with your ex.
- You go into perfume stores to smell your ex’s cologne (this is very pathetic, but it has happened to me).
- You watch again the movies you saw with your ex.
- You torture yourself by looking at pictures of when you were happy with your ex.
And that takes you away from the present, and you can only be happy in the present.
So you can only stop being emotionally hungry in the present.
New life, same mistakes.
At some point, you realize that you are on the wrong track and that your life has to go on. And little by little, you understand that you can’t live on memories, and then again, you stop living in the present to live in the future.
And as we have already seen, you cannot feed on happiness in the past, but neither in the future, only in the present.
The point is that you start preparing for a new relationship,
- You go out partying again to meet someone.
- You join the Gym to improve your physique and find someone.
- You buy nice clothes to find someone.
- You download a dating app to find someone.
And you forget to find yourself.
And as a result, you stay hungry, and as my friend told me, “people notice your emotional hunger, and they get scared because no one wants to be responsible for anyone’s happiness. It’s too much of a burden.”
And it’s true that you have to travel light in this life.
Conclusion
In my experience, you must live fully in the present to stop starving.
You need to feel amazing in your skin and bring yourself love, dignity, and kindness.
You have to be able to be happy on your own and then meet someone, not the other way around, because it never works.
And paradoxically, by doing it, you find a soul mate to walk with sooner.
Stop demanding from other people the love you owe yourself. Stop starving; feed your heart and soul by being a presence in the present moment and allowing yourself to love yourself.
A virtual hug
AG
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