#2 — Practice Hara Hachi Bu.
The day I die, I want my tombstone to read, “He did what he could.” Just that. And that’s enough.
Because that means that I did not waste any opportunity and was always willing to live with intensity, away from laziness and negativity.
And for that, it is necessary to be a positive, proactive person, but above all, to get along well with others. And that is not so easy in a world increasingly connected and paradoxically with people more disconnected from each other.
TheseThese days, friendship has become a luxury item, a scarce commodity, and a rarity. Learning to surround yourself with the right people is more important than ever, and maintaining those connections over time.
And it’s not easy.
Thanks to a lifetime of personal relationships, public-facing work, and many mistakes, I’ve learned to make the impossible easier.
Having good friends in the 21st century 🙂
Here are four tips,
Let’s start.
1. Learn to read the air
The Japanese have a concept called Kuuki which could be translated as reading the air. And what does it mean to read the atmosphere? Read the environment.
Understanding the unwritten rules of everyday situations would be a much tighter definition.
If you want to make good contacts, you must become an expert in reading the environment.
You have to learn to give your opinion when you sense someone is asking for your advice and stay out of other people’s business even if they seem to be asking for it. Because maybe they are just looking for validation on the issue at hand.
You have to learn to respect informal hierarchies. In all groups, there are different levels of order; these may be arranged by power, seniority, or ability. Still, if you don’t know who is who in a social environment, sooner or later, you will be excluded.
And above all, you have to learn to relate to people, but above all, not to intrude. A person who is not intrusive and knows when to leave does not become annoying and will always be welcome.
Reading about the environment will also help you to know the perfect moment to introduce yourself to the person you are interested in meeting.
Knowing the precise moment when the person you want to start a conversation is receptive to is a superpower. And it can make all the difference.
Remember that even if people don’t want to admit it, it’s the first impression that counts.
2. Practice Hara Hachi Bu
Hara Hachi Bu is a teaching attributed to Confucius, which enabled the Japanese to be one of the longest-lived countries in the world.
Hara Hachi Bu could be translated as, “Eat until you are full in eight parts”.
And this can be applied to personal relationships.
You don’t want to know everything about others, but above all don’t want others to know everything about you.
A little mystery keeps the flame of love and friendship alive.
Apply Hara Hachi Bu to your relationships and give 80 percent of yourself, but don’t give 100 percent.
Always leave people wanting more, and keep the mystery.
3. Don’t talk so much about your problems
When someone tells you their problems, it means they trust you, but when they do it every time they see you, what it means is that they are using you to take out their emotional garbage and leave it to you.
Well, now apply it to you.
People want healthy relationships.
When was the last time you called an old friend to see how they’re doing, not to tell them about a problem or congratulate them on their birthday?
There’s nothing like an unexpected call from a friend to see if you’re okay.
Do it, and the relationships you create will grow solid because the person you call will feel appreciated, not used.
4. When you screw up, apologize quickly
Marcus Aurelius wrote in his book Meditations, “From Catullus, I learned not to cut off friendship with anyone who has put us in a quarrel, even if he is not right, but to try to recover it immediately.
Jesus of Nazareth said in Matthew 5:23–24, “When you are bringing your gift to the altar, and there you realize that your brother has a grievance against you, go back and reconcile with your brother.”
Both pieces of advice are still valid 2000 years later.
You have to be quick to recognize your mistakes, and you also have to know how to forgive others.
That’s what friendship is all about.
People are imperfect, and if you want to create quality and lasting connections, people who approach you don’t have to feel 24/7 like they are taking a test at school.
Stop judging with your eyes, and make people 1) feel good around you and 2) relax in your presence because they know you have a good heart, one that feels sorry when you offend and forgiving when a good friend is wrong.
A virtual hug
AG
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