Learn from my 42 years of experience of trusting the wrong person.
My most extended friendship was 26 years.
A friend from kindergarten with whom I kept in touch until I was in my thirties.
During those 26 years of relationship, I did many things for our friendship.
- I introduced him to my group of friends because he was very introverted.
- My mother accompanied him to the hospital several times because he was bullied at school.
- I would give him half of my snack because his mother was a hippie who was obsessed with healthy food and only gave him Muesli.
- When he disappeared for a year, I tried to find him by all means.
- When he was imprisoned in Sweden (for burning his dorm room), I would call him on the phone every week to try to cheer him up.
- When he returned to Spain, I would pick him up at the psychologist’s office and walk with him for hours so that he could disconnect.
- And one day, a mutual friend chose me to set up a start-up instead of him. And he stopped calling me.
Yesterday, I was training in the park and saw him passing by with his parents after almost a decade without seeing him.
He passed by me, and neither he nor his mother or father greeted me.
When they recognized me, they looked at me over their shoulder and left.
This made me think that some things in life are not worth it, like getting so involved with people who pretend not to know you.
The problem is that only the years can tell you what these things are that are usually not worth it.
Here is a list of those things to save yourself some suffering along the road of life.
Let’s start.
1. Selling your soul
A few years ago, I got the typical dream job: my office at the top of a skyscraper, parking space, secretary, and 25% commission on sales—the whole package.
I felt like Gordon Gekko in the movie Wall Street.
Problem: I granted private equity loans to people I knew would need help repaying them.
For example, a 65-year-old pensioner with a pension that was three times the minimum wage in my country asked us for money. He wouldn’t do it in a regular bank because they couldn’t get it for him because of his age, but my company was willing to accept the risk.
The guy was going to guarantee the loan with the house. The problem was that he was a gambler. I found out because his daughter called me at the office when she found out he was arranging a loan.
My boss wanted to accept the operation.
I quit that job, and I don’t regret it.
Lesson: Don’t sell your soul for money and an office. Your soul is worth more. It is not worth it.
2. Long-distance relationships
Sorry to be the one to prick your fantasy balloon but trust me, long-distance relationships rarely work.
They might come in the short term but won’t soon. And all those that work are just the exception that proves the rule.
I’ve had several relationships with people who lived thousands of miles away. Apart from the financial outlay involved, the problem is that both parties are rooted in their place of origin.
You may be very much in love, but if your parents are elderly and you must care for them (as in my case), you must choose between your relationship and caring for your parents.
It’s a tough decision.
Lesson: spare yourself difficult decisions; making a relationship work is already too complicated. If you can find someone in the same city as you, it will be easier for you to make compatible with all those things that can kill your relationship, like your mother-in-law 🙂
3. Giving second chances is overrated.
I’m not telling you not to turn the second cheek. Just don’t get ripped off a second time.
A long time ago, I worked in real estate and met an old lady who owned more than ten buildings in Madrid.
When I started collaborating with her, she told me, “I don’t care if I like you; if you break the rules of this agreement one day, I will stop giving you my flats exclusively for rent. I’m too old to give second chances”.
Years before she met me, one of her trusted people showed up at her house in the middle of the night, and despite smelling bad about the situation, she opened the door to her home, and the guy robbed her and tried to finish her off.
His rules were strict, but I can tell you that his business worked like a charm. Because we only housed solvent people who could meet the vast deposits the woman requested.
Lesson: If something smells bad, trust your instinct and don’t repeat the same mistake.
4. You are putting all your attention on material things.
Spending all your energy chasing after things is a mistake because things are replaceable.
And it is an even bigger mistake to take time away from the irreplaceable to chase the replaceable.
- Replaceable things: your house, your car, your stocks.
- Irreplaceable things: your family, body, and physical and mental health.
Please don’t confuse your priorities.
Lesson: Don’t get your priorities mixed up; there are things in life that money can never buy. And those things are the most important. Your parents and loved ones will one day be gone, and you don’t want to regret not giving them the time and attention they deserve by chasing material things that can be replaced.
A virtual hug
AG
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