Alberto García 🚀🚀🚀

Learn from my mistakes.

Yesterday I was reading a book in the supermarket queue.

Suddenly, a bunch of people wake up from their zombie mode and start making a fuss and complaining about waiting.

It was like the image of a person reading peacefully makes people angry for not being bitter like the other people in the queue.

The cashier, hearing the upset crow, quickly bypassed the queue to see what was going on and, addressing me, shouted, “In the queue, you come to wait, not to read books. Use your phone like everybody else.”

At that moment, I realize the grade of madness we reach nowadays.

I closed the book. I opened the notes app on my smartphone and started writing so I wouldn’t argue with the cashier and the rest of the queue don’t set me on fire next to my book like in the Middle Ages.

I started writing, “I got tired of arguing with strangers. And life is going better for me.”

And then, I went deep into my soul and wrote a little list of things that made my life better when I got tired of them.

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1. I got tired of hating and, above all, of hating myself.

I got tired of practicing fictitious discussions inside my head against people with whom I haven’t been brave enough to share my feelings in real life for fear of rejection.

I got tired from chewing rancor in silence.

I got tired of feeding the ghosts in my subconscious that have made my life a Stephen King novel.

I got tired of hurting myself, treating my body like a garbage bag, and punishing myself for the sins others did to me.

I got tired of not smiling, and now I smile even if it pisses them off (And it pisses many people off to see me happy).

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2. I got tired of being the ugly duckling.

I got tired of making things fit. I got tired of the search for approval. I got tired of waiting for the applause or a pat on the back.

I got tired of flapping my wings and getting them burned.

I got tired of never being enough for my loved ones.

I got tired of their taunts, insults, and reproaches.

I got tired of never being proud of myself because of them.

I got tired of trying to pass an exam that they had already decided I would fail.

I got tired of looking to others for permission to become a swan.

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3. I got tired of waiting and losing my time.

I got tired of waiting for everybody else except me.

I got tired of waiting — especially — for the one that excites you first and never appears.

I got tired of believing the lies.

I got tired of the people that only call you when their other plans fail. I got tired of being the second plate, the third plate, the f*cking dessert.

I got tired of being the little pet my so-called friends take for a ride like a dog puppy, always wagging my tail and wanting to see them come, just to be tamed, every time he barked too much.

I got tired of needing someone else to allow me to live.

I got tired of living in the shadow of others.

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4. I got tired of begging for love

I got tired of waiting for my absent father.

I got tired of looking for him among the people.

I got tired of blaming my mother for losing him.

I got tired of letting myself be humiliated so as not to be rejected. To not feel abandoned again. To mitigate the pain of growing up without parental love.

I got tired of looking for father figures in my bosses, colleagues, and partners. I got tired of fucking up my life because my father decided to fuck up my mother’s life.

I got tired of looking for him in tobacco, in alcohol, in pornography. I got tired of doing stupid shit to impress him. I got tired of demanding his attention to see if he would come back.

I decided to forgive him.

And a few days ago, after almost 20 years without seeing him, he told me that he would come to see me on June 3rd.

I said OK. But I don’t wait for him anymore. Now I only wait for the one who wants to be with me and for me.

And I advise the same to you.

A virtual hug (I hope you are reading me in the queue at the Super 🙂

A virtual hug

AG