The seven steps of modern love.
We like anomalies because what is different in such a homogenized world is refreshing.
We apply it to relationships. That’s why they say that opposites attract.
Deep down, we are looking for someone so different from ourselves that makes us feel that we are not alone on this planet called Earth revolving around a great ball of fire called the sun, lost in the vastness of an indifferent, dangerous, uncertain universe.
The Other
The other represents the unknown. The other fills life with a healthy vitality, euphoria, and surprise, relieving our existential loneliness.
But then, when we meet someone different enough from everything we know to capture our attention and make us fall in love, we screw up.
We look for the Yin to our Yang. We look for Tom to our Jerry. But little by little, we phagocytize it.
After the first period of falling in love, everything different that seemed exotic, attractive, and suggestive started to bother us.
And we try to change our partners so that they adapt to our way of seeing the world.
And here, two things can happen.
That the person does not change, and the relationship eventually breaks down.
The person loses a little of their identity, adapting to what we expect of them. And after such a sacrifice, we end up getting bored.
When the latter happens, it is only a matter of time before we feel again that we need an adventure to get us out of boredom.
That urge for novelty, to find something different, destroys everything, only to repeat the process of searching for “The other” in an infinite cycle.
The 7 steps of modern love
- Searching for someone special
- Normalize the special person
- Turning our partner into a parrot who repeats what we say and think
- Getting bored of our partner (mini-me)
- Leaving the partner or staying with the partner while looking for another one.
- Finding someone new,
- Start the process all over again.
Where is the problem
An ego that infects the other to the point of annulling him and turning him into a copy of himself is an ego that will never satiate his desire to be the protagonist.
(Nowadays, we all feed that ego every time we get distracted).
That’s why there are couples that look like Siamese twins 🙂
The “other” is like a beautiful soap bubble: touching it abruptly, it explodes and disappears. It is necessary to respect the identity of the other and not to contaminate it, not to burst the beautiful soap bubble formed by its defects and virtues.
Another thing to keep in mind
It is not only about respecting your partner’s identity but also about preserving our own.
Do not allow the ego of “the other” to swallow you. And you end up not recognizing yourself every morning when you wake up in the mirror.
It has happened to me.
And you start behaving the way you think your partner wants you to act. — In this way, your partner becomes your master, and you become his slave.
And this leads you to confuse suffering with love. — Which is very common in these times.
Ultimately, we want others to punish us because we feel we get their attention, even if they are toxic.
And suppose our partner leaves us after alienating us. In that case, we think it was our fault because our ego is a cheap copy of the person who left us; we tend to believe that the original ego (our ex) cannot be wrong.
Therefore, it was our fault that they left us.
And we punished ourselves, thinking our partner broke the relationship to run away from us. Still, deep down, he broke it to run away from himself since he turned us into a cheap copy of himself.
A virtual hug
AG
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