Old school advice for a brand new life.
When your life is a mess, sooner or later, everything you have built collapses.
And after the blow, you don’t want to build a fragile life again. You want something solid. Something built on rock. Something that will last and not break into pieces with the first storm.
I know this firsthand.
I spent my life building castles in the air until I learned to listen to my elders and apply their advice.
I had emotional and economic stability and a reasonably happy life, thanks to that.
But most of all, I learned to stop tripping myself up.
I’m not promising that if you listen to me, your life will turn into Disneyland overnight, but you will get some structure.
To do this, I recommend starting with these three old-school life lessons that helped me escape the pit of anguish and desperation and stop being my worst enemy.
1. Stop looking for happiness in the wrong place.
Two types of desires are in your heart.
- Mediocre desires that become vices (don’t forget that).
- Nobel desires that lead you to fulfillment.
How do you know if your desire is Nobel or mediocre?
It is usually a mediocre desire if it takes away your inner peace.
When I was in the worst of my depression, I realized that when I didn’t eat what I liked (Spaghetti, pìzza, ice cream, hamburgers), I got furious.
The pleasure these foods gave me distanced me from others, and I moved further and further away from the path of happiness.
The same thing happened to me with drinking and smoking.
In the end, you become a slave to your vices, and that makes you lose your dignity as you lose control over yourself.
Every person with an addiction knows that immediate and mediocre desires end up taking over your soul.
And they always leave you unsatisfied because you can never have enough of what you don’t want.
I didn’t want to die, but I never had enough tobacco, alcohol, or fast food to satisfy my craving.
Fortunately, I discovered that noble desires fill you with life and leave you satisfied.
It’s not alcohol, drugs, or junk food; it’s the feeling of safety that you seek. It’s peace and fulfillment that your heart craves.
The trick is to learn to seek it in the right place.
2. Stop going to places you know you don’t have to go.
I live in a Low-class neighborhood on the outskirts of Madrid. And here, all Low-class areas are designed to get you addicted.
In my hood, there are liquor stores open all day, fast food establishments, and gambling houses.
All the traps a person with few resources can fall into are usually in the neighborhoods of people with few resources. Curious, isn’t it?
I think it’s because when your life sucks and your economy is precarious, you seek quick relief to avoid thinking about economic and family problems.
So when your life is screwed up, it’s only a matter of time before you fall into a vice: gambling, alcohol, drugs, sugar, you name it.
Therefore, when you want to change your life and leave your addictions, you have to be very clear that you can’t negotiate with vices. You have to quit.
And above all, do not go to places where you can access the things that cause your addiction.
- If you spend the day at the bar, sooner or later, you will have a beer.
- If you spend the day at the gambling place, sooner or later, you will relapse into gambling.
- If you go to the grocery store without a list of food you really need, you’ll buy pastries, and you know it 😉
That’s why you don’t have to go to those places if you don’t want to relapse.
3. Stop hiding what you are ashamed of.
I had this incredible revelation in my time as an addict, “If there is something you don’t want to tell your loved ones, it is because that “something” is wrong.”
That dirty secret is like a predator that bites your throat to prevent you from asking for help.
That’s why addictions isolate us. The bad habit wants to possess you, so it must keep you away from your loved ones.
As I once read in an old church, “Shame is taken away from you by the devil to make you sin. But the devil gives shame back to you when you want to confess your sins.”
And confessing your mistakes is the first thing you must do if you need help.
You have to put pride and shame aside. And ask for help when you need it.
We all need help sometimes. Read it again 🙂
A virtual hug
AG
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