The spiritual mindset that will help you overcome people’s betrayals.
Yesterday, a reader wrote me this private message
Hello, AG! I suppose that many people like me write to you. I read daily what you write and many times you hit the nail on the head, because you manage to lift my spirits.
When one is discouraged and disillusioned with something or someone, what should we do to make the pain go away, how to find the strength to push us out of it?
I have read that on several occasions you have been discouraged and I want to know how you overcome it.
Thanks
Happy day
I want to answer you with an honest and brutally painful example.
Someone in my family owes me money, a lot of money.
And you know what?
It’s not the first time. Nor the second.
Some people are so capable of taking advantage of you that they bring out the worst in you.
Every time something similar happens to me, I turn to Eckart Tolle before my hateful thoughts fuel my rage. And everything spirals out of control.
1. Turn off bad blood.
“The habitual, reactive “no” strengthens the ego. Yes” weakens it. Your identity in form, the ego, cannot survive surrender.” — Eckhart Tolle.
Life is sometimes like an old ship that cracks every time you go to sea. You can curse every hole in your boat, but nothing you say will close them. And the longer you take to plug the holes, the more you will sink.
Here’s the first thing to keep in mind: the bad mood only makes things worse because,
- It keeps you from thinking clearly.
- It saps your energy.
- It paralyzes you.
And paradoxically, the worse we feel in this life, the more we benefit from being calm.
In the bad moments, you have to be calmer to avoid making mistakes. As my grandfather used to say, “We are all one bad day away from ending up screwed.”
2. Stop banging your head against the wall and look for the exit.
“Doing one thing at a time means being “total” in what you do, giving it your full attention. That is surrendered action, powerful action.” — Eckhart Tolle
Accepting reality helps you transcend it with as little emotional cost as possible.
The person who owes me money will not pay me back no matter how much I get indignant or curse him.
My best option is to talk to him from a state of surrender to the present moment to reality.
Having a challenging conversation from a state of surrender is not cowardice. It is accepting reality.
And that makes it a powerful action. And it will allow me not to aggravate the situation, preventing the person who owes me money from playing the victim.
And whatever happens after the conversation, I can make the wiser choice, even if it means distancing myself from the person who owes me money.
Tip: cut your losses. When someone hurts you, and you get angry, it hurts you twice: because, on the one hand, there is the evil that has been done to you and, on the other hand, the one you do to yourself by getting angry. Please do not allow it; suffer once, not twice.
3. Denying reality is denying life, and to deny life hurts.
“When you say “yes” to life as it is, when you accept this moment as it is, you can feel within you a profoundly peaceful space.” — Eckhart Tolle.
The price of helping others should not be feeling bad. But it often is.
Many people are ungrateful, treacherous, and liars.
But denying reality and becoming indignant only feeds my frustration. And instead of feeling good about my good deeds, I end up hating.
And hatred makes the sufferer angry. And it’s certainly a price I’m unwilling to pay to help others.
That’s why I use this mantra from Eckart Tolle, “Leave life alone. Let it be.”
By understanding that life is the way it is and that bad things also happen to good people, I transcend the problem. Because as Tolle says, “Acceptance of the unacceptable is the greatest source of grace in this world.”
I’m not going to jump for joy because I’m owed money. But I won’t make a bigger deal out of it than it is.
Let’s say the feeling of hate/fury stays at a superficial level; I don’t allow it to seep into my being and burst my insides.
This way, I can continue my life because there is still peace. And I can feel that peace in every breath, realizing that I don’t have to suffer more than necessary for other people’s shit.
A virtual hug
AG
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